if you’re one for praying, that is.

basically I seem to have the midas touch for messing up my own life right now. there’s my whole last semester GPA situation. I don’t know how I’m going to tell my parents and how I’m going to pay for next semester. I’m mostly worried that I’ll mess up again, though. please ask God to help me to manage my priorities and time so this stops being a problem. and pray for my search for God’s direction. if I had a major I would probably feel more focused—it would be worth doing papers and projects because they would be a step towards something.

also, I’m backsliding with addiction lately, probably as a stress coping mechanism. I need God’s strength with that, and I need to be honest with some people… again.

I also really want to go to lobby days with a friend. I would be paying for it myself, so normally there wouldn’t be any reason why I shouldn’t go, but my parents may be so ticked off that they make me spend a week with my grandma in texas during that time period or something. I’m not sure what they’ll do. and if I can go I will need some help funding it, seeing as it’s in a month. I could use all the help I could get so prayers regarding lobby days would be amazing as well.

thanks so much if you are praying. or even if you read through this tl;dr thing. it means a lot. :)

I know this isn’t myspace and I x-posted this from my tumblr but I don’t care. so there.

A is for age: 19

B is for booze of choice: n/a. I don’t drink.

C is for career: lover/student without a major.

D is for your last dentist appointment: six months ago or so.

E is for essential items you use everyday: alarm clock, contact lenses, mascara, computer, ipod.

F is for favorite song at the moment: baptize my mind by jon foreman and not fair by lily allen.

G is for favorite games: tetris, spoons, catchphrase, sorry!, clue, war, speed.

H is for hometown: thornton, colorado.

I is for instruments you play: french horn. and I need to learn how to play my bass guitar already.

J is for Jam flavor on your PBJ: raspberry or apricot. or just honey. mmmm.

K is for kids you last saw: sierra and kateii. and I’m seeing them again tonight. wooo!!

L is for last kiss: never been kissed.

M is for fondest memory: my seventeenth birthday, when my friends painted my car and wrapped it and I walked out of school and was so shocked I dropped an f-bomb. hahaha. it’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.

N is for name of your crush: matthew gray gubler and rupert grint.

O is for overnight hospital stays: when I had pneumonia when I was four?

P is for phobias: spiders, losing people I love, becoming a nobody.

Q is for favorite quote: right now, it’s:

“Jesus said whatever you do to the least of these my brothers you’ve done it to me. And this is what I’ve come to think. That if I want to identify fully with Jesus Christ, who I claim to be my savior and Lord, the best way that I can do that is to identify with the poor. This I know will go against the teachings of all the popular evangelical preachers. But they’re just wrong. They’re not bad, they’re just wrong. Christianity is not about building an absolutely secure little niche in the world where you can live with your perfect little wife and your perfect little children in a beautiful little house where you have no gays or minority groups anywhere near you. Christianity is about learning to love like Jesus loved and Jesus loved the poor and Jesus loved the broken.”—Rich Mullins

and

“Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.”—ephesians 5:1-2 (the message)

R is for biggest regrets: not thinking before speaking.

S is for status: and it’s also for single.

T is for time you wake up: monday through thursday: 6:15 am. friday through sunday: somewhere between 8 and 10 am.

U is for underwear type: normal?

V is for vegetable you love: celery and carrots and peas.

W is for worst habit: biting my nails, putting myself down, taking things personally/seriously, taking people and things for granted.

X is for x-rays you’ve had: dental. and one of my face after the accident.

Y is for yummy food you make: I like making rainbow cakes.

Z is for last Zoo visited: does seaworld in orlando count? I don’t go to the zoo very often.

sometimes I want to hit people over the head with billboards that have statements written on them in noen helvetica font because maybe then it might possibly sink in.

sometimes it’s better to be wrong when you’re right because chances are you were wrong before anyway and if you were to argue your complete and total innocence then that would probably be easily disputed and then it would just come down to the true matter at hand (which is an issue of timing) and then you’d have to explain how and when you actually did hurt people and how you’ve tried to change things and keep it in and let it out elsewhere but at the end of the day you’re still hurt and pissed and maybe it’s not worth it to make it about that when right now it’s not about that but what you do with it and healing only tends to come if you give up being partially right when you’re mostly wrong.

sometimes I want someone to hit me over the head with billboards that have statements written on them in noen helvetica font because maybe then it might possibly sink in.

and both of his hands are equally skilled at ruining evil, equally skilled at judging the judges, equally skilled, administering justice, both of his hands. both of his hands are equally skilled at showing them mercy, equally skilled at loving the loveless, equally skilled, administering justice, equally skilled. both of his hands, both of his hands.